From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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