Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
