Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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