Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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