my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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