Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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