2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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