The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
