Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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