Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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