If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
