Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
