You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
are you so shy because you have an std?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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