hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sorry about my life...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
