Soap is not a condiment
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So vagazzling was a success
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
