So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
