That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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