I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
