what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
