before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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