my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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