if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
