Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
