It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
