She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm always down for nudity.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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