Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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