hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
