so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
