I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
