it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize