I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
