you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
