I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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