my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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