I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
