i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
