So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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