I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize