tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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