you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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