I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
