You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
