You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
