so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
