Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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