Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
