Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
