I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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