She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
