Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
