I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize