alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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