Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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