Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
