So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
