haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
