..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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