jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize