found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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