nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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