I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
