jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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