how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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