Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it's like iHOP with fire
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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