Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
